May 8, 2008:  That’s the day my precious boy entered this world.  That’s the day my world ceased to exist, and I started over new in his.  That’s one of the best days of my entire lifetime.  That’s the day that I became a Mommy.

In honor of my first born turning three-years-old on Sunday and that also being Mother’s Day, I thought it would be fun to put in words those last hours when I was just Candace, before I became Mommy. 

Kade was due on May 13, 2008.  On May 6 I went for my weekly checkup with my wonderful doctor, Dr. Hinds, and he proclaimed that Kade was content.  He wasn’t dropping.  I wasn’t dilating.  There were no signs of him wanting to come out.  Pregnant I stood/waddled in, and very pregnant I would waddle out of that doctor’s office, for who knew how much longer.  Mind you, my belly looked like this:

I could balance a full glass of water on that belly.  Plates, the remote, my cell phone, you name it, I had a literal shelf on my body. 

After the proclamation from Dr. Hinds that I would be pregnant for the rest of my life (ok, maybe that’s just how it sounded to me) that’s when my wonderful doctor looked at me with sympathetic eyes and said, “Candace, how are you feeling?”

My response: “I DON’T WANT TO BE PREGNANT ANYMORE!”  Cue ugly face crying, snot running out of my nose, blubbering, etc etc.

And just like that, I was scheduled to be induced at 6:00 pm the next day.  Angels sang, the heavens shone their light down on me, I had a little over 24 hours left before the giant child would be in my arms and out of my body.

Now, not being a Mom yet and never doing this whole birth thing, I had no idea what to expect from any of this.  Thanks to Google I found a list a veteran mother had made of things you absolutely needed for the hospital, the most important being my own robe.  Hospital gowns are drafty, and when you’ve got the cutest baby ever in a bassinet just out of reach next to your hospital bed, you’re going to want to get up, A LOT.  And of course that bassinet is on the side of your bed furthest from the door.  So when you get up every 2 minutes to check on your little (in my case giant) bundle of joy with nothing but a hospital gown on you show your incredibly-pale-and-newly-not-pregnant-rear-end (not a pretty picture) to anyone walking by your room at the time.  Dear thin comfy bathrobe from Target purchased mere hours before I was induced, you saved me.  Three years later I still use that robe everyday, and it absolutely will be packed for Lily’s birth.

I got to the hospital right on time and they got to work on me quickly.  Got me into said drafty robe, hooked up to monitors to keep track of Kade, and quickly inserted my IV.  I think the excitement, anticipation, and fear of everything that was going on at that point just got to me all at once, and I literally almost passed out while they were putting in my IV.  What a wuss, huh?  The sweet nurse who inserted my IV was no longer sweet in my eyes, and I began to hate her mere seconds after she said this in response to my lightheadedness:  “Honey, if you can’t handle this IV how do you think you’re going to have this big baby?”  Seriously?  That’s your bedside manner for a 39 week pregnant woman who has never done this before?  From that point on she was no longer referred to as “where is that sweet nurse at?”, and she became, “where did that bitch go?”

I guess Kade knew Mommy was upset with her nurse, because right after they got the monitors settled correctly, and me in bed with all necessary gear and needles hooked up to me, probably close to a 30 minute process for all of it, he gave me a swift kick to the bladder and I made her unhook everything so I could go pee.  The kid was a genius brat even before he was born.

Then the nurse from hell gave me my “let’s get this party started” meds and an ambien to make me sleep.  I was lights out until 6:30 the next morning when something just didn’t feel right, so I pushed the nurse button…

Me:  Umm, I think my water broke.
Nurse:  Are you sure?
Me:  Well either that or I peed the bed, and I haven’t done that since I was under the age of 4, so how about you come check this out, mkay?

Sure enough, thing were rolling.  I was put on the pitocin and from there lots of pain ensued.  For any men out there or women who’ve never done this before, the only way I can describe a contraction is it feels your stomach has turned to concrete and someone has an electric drill to the small of your back.  And it happens every 5 minutes or less.  Bitch nurse’s shift was up (praise Jesus) so I got a new nurse, and even though I was in an extreme amount of pain I was trying to be oh-so-pleasant and hopefully make BFFs with this one.  That didn’t happen.  Well refer to this one as Evil Nurse.

Evil Nurse said if I “was really in that much pain” (with a hint of skepticism in her voice, evil!) I could go ahead and get my epidural.  I said absolutely 100% let’s get that going.  She left to retrieve the anesthesiologist.  15 minutes later my miracle worker (the man with the drugs) rolled a giant cart into my room filled with all kinds of things to ease my pain.  He states that he cannot give me the epidural without my nurse present, so he would go find her, and left his giant cart of relief in plain sight to tease me.  Evil Nurse walks in 10 minutes later and says, “Oh, I see your anesthesiologist has been here, I’ll see if I can go find him.”  At this point I yelled to whomever in the room would listen to me, “YOU GO FIND THOSE TWO MORONS AND GET THEM TOGETHER, NOW!  MAKE THEM BEST FRIENDS, FIND THEM!!!” 

What felt like 3 hours later (probably more like 3 minutes) they walked in my room side by side ready to deliver the drugs.  Evil Nurse sat me up and stood in front of me for support while I hunched over for the needle in my spine.  (There’s another example of how bad contractions hurt, I would choose a freaking needle in my spine over feeling another contraction.)  When I moved something in my belly moved as well, and I informed Evil Nurse that it felt like my water was breaking…again.  She looked at me like I was an idiot and as if I had told her I was going to give birth to a baby zebra and ignored my warning.  That’s when I had another contraction and I soaked her from her shoes to her knees in amniotic fluid.  Take that, Evil Nurse.

Anywho, drugs administered, I looked like this:

Oh man, how happy and puffily loaded with fluids is that girl?  (The answer: on freaking cloud 9.)

From then on labor happened fast, I progressed with lightening speed and at 4:23 PM Kade made his debut.  All 8 pounds, 9 ounces of him.

He was loud.  He was incredibly pink.  He was perfect.  He was mine.

After giving birth you get what might be referred to as a “post natal massage”.  Now, let’s not let that massage part fool anyone.  While Dr. Hinds was cleaning up down in my nether regions Evil Nurse paired up with Helga Nurse to ram their fists into my stomach turning and churning them to empty my belly of all things associated with being pregnant.  I was confused and a little worried as to why this Nordic Nurse Helga was giving me a beat down after all that hard work I had just done.  They finish, and Helga slaps my stomach and says, “See, it flat, good work.”  Nordic Nurse was my all time favorite nurse.  She gave me back a flat stomach, I will forever be greatful to that beast of a woman.

Dr. Hinds high fived me on birthing a man of a child, and said I was good to go.  I had friends waiting for me already and ready to see Kade, so I was moved to my room.  En route in my wheelchair I turned back to Evil Nurse and said, “I know this is the second time in less than 24 hours that I’ve said this, but I think I might have peed my pants.”  She turns me back to L&D, does her best to get me to stand, and there is nothing but red, I’m bleeding everywhere.  She immediately launches into action, calls nurses and doctors, and I am whisked back onto the bed I just left and hooked back up to pitocin to make my uterus contract to stop the bleeding.  It turns out this is a normal occurrence with redheads, and we bleed A LOT more than the common woman when dealing with child birth.  Freckles, pale skin, frizzy curly hair, AND I’m a bleeder?  Geez being a redhead is a pain in the ass.  30 more minutes waiting for my bleeding to stop (and I got to watch half of Survivor, woohoo!) I was reunited with my friends and my big bundle of joy.  By the way, thank you doesn’t say enough to Caleb, Andrea and Dan for being there for me immediately.  You guys must have left Austin for Round Rock the minute my Mom called Caleb saying Kade was here, I will be forever grateful for y’all being so excited to meet Kade, it meant the world to me and still does.

My favorite visitor though had to be my Grandma.  She got there around 6:00, just in time for my dinner to arrive (I hadn’t been allowed to eat in 24 hours, hospital meatloaf was like filet mignon at that point).  She of course was quick to hold Kade while I ate, and then when I was done eating she kept holding him…until 9:00 pm when my nurse came in shocked to find a visitor and she was told visiting hours were long over and she needed to go home.  It was so special for her to be there right away, she was so excited to hold that baby.  Kade was the first great-grandchild of hers born close enough to be there immediately (she was only about 20 minutes away), and you could see the joy in her eyes, she didn’t want to leave him or me.  It was and still is a priceless moment in my life.

Kade went home styling two days later:

And he and I have gotten along perfectly since.  I can’t believe it’s been 3 years already.  I would give anything for just one more day with him at 9 pounds, spitting up all over me and refusing to sleep anywhere but on my shoulder. 

Being a Mom is hard.  It’s rewarding, but it’s hard.  It’s late nights.  It’s lots of poop, pee, and spit up.  It’s calling your own mother at midnight waking her up while you bawl your eyes out to ask her, “He won’t stop crying, what do I do?”  But it’s also that calm peaceful look your child get when you pick them up.  That look they give no one but you.  It’s the gurgles, giggles and grins that make the late nights worth it. 

I so look forward to doing it all again with Lily, these two months I have left cooking her can’t go by fast enough, but nothing will compare to the first time I was someone’s Mommy.  Kade makes me a better person, and for that I am forever grateful to him.  He makes me laugh, he makes me cry happy tears just thinking about him, he makes me me.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mommys out there who know exactly what I’m talking about, I hope you and your little ones share a very special and memorable day.